How life works

1. Law of Mechanical Repair

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch, and you'll have to pee. 

2. Law of Gravity

Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place  in the universe.

3. Law of Probability

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers 

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers. 

5. Variation Law  

If you change lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. 

6. Law of the Bath  

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7. Law of Close Encounters

The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 

8. Law of the Result 

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!! 

9. Law of Biomechanics 

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 

10. Law of the Theatres & Sports Arenas 

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance, or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 

11. The Coffee Law 

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 

12. Murphy's Law of Lockers 

If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13. Law of Physical Surfaces 

The chance of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor is directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 

14. Law of Logical Argument 

Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about. 

15. Law of Physical Appearance 

If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 

16. Law of Public Speaking 

A closed mouth gathers no feet! 

17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy 

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it or  the store will stop selling it! 

Eric Carmody